Meeting the newest spirit in our family

I was just reading a post from a friend who'd experienced a home birth by surprise. She and her husband were the only two present for this birth. She also talked of the quiet sacred birth of Christ which I have also reflected on many times. When I was at a Relief Society Dinner this December, some of us had the opportunity to sing about the birth of Christ and of Mary's role. I wondered if I was the only one thinking about the sanctity and value of birth. I wanted to ask outright if anyone thought of that, but I didn't want to hear remarks that dismiss my deep, deep feelings towards birth. Not a typical conversation starter! So, as I was just reading this sweet post, my heart started racing just reading about those quiet, profound events in anticipation of the birth of our 4th daughter. I had to write and get this out!

I'm excited and nervous. I don't know where we will have her at this point due to Rob's mixed feelings and finances. I don't know if Rob and I can be equally happy with the place of birth. He rather be in the hospital just in case a few minutes in a very rare emergency were to make a difference in our safety. I rather lean on inspiration and trust in the Lord to let us know if being in the quiet, sacred atmosphere of our home is safe for myself and this sweet child of God. I could cry just thinking about it! This is so close to my heart. Very few people in this world understand where my heart is in regards to this precious and most important matter.

I want to be where I can trust those around me to allow me and encourage me to do what I need to birth this baby with confidence and comfort! ...Not having to worry about what's going to be asked of me or refused for me :-( That sums up my feelings completely. I want to have free agency and privacy when it comes to the birth of my baby. To be surrounded by loved ones, not strangers who may not like or understand what I'm doing. And I will only birth at home if I have a feeling of peace and that Heavenly Father supports this decision. I felt that before I had Brionna. So far I feel that way now. I also want my husband to enjoy the experience, not just the end or the results after the fact. I want us to both receive a confirmation of whatever it is that we need to do and to truly be at peace with it. I know I would have a very hard time coming to terms with a hospital birth. No water birth.

I just hope that Rob and I can make a decision that will bring us peace and strengthen the bond that we share. That happened at the end of Brionna's birth, although I think the peace and relief happened after the birth when Rob could breathe again. I want a birth that I feel triumphant from. After Brionna's birth I was too exhausted to feel that way. I needed help and time to get my energy back. After Emma's birth I was at the park 5 days later going down the slide with Katie! Something in the middle of those two births would be ideal.

Someone once told me that you get the birth that you need. I'm okay with that idea too. And I would like for US to have the birth that WE need as a couple. I want it to be very much about us. This pregnancy occurred at a very hard time for us. We weren't ready. I say that with humble gratitude for the opportunity to become a mother again. It is definitely making me stretch and grow and we feel this was meant to be. I pray that we can come to a decision that will lead to happiness and health for all.