I want to learn how to put Rob first more often than not and how to love him unconditionally. To stop nagging and start helping more. To pull my weight in my responsibilities as a wife and mother, a homemaker. And to keep preparing and growing spiritually until I know positively that it is the right time to enter into the House of the Lord and to make covenants with Him. I can't wait!
Fast forward a few days... POOF! There went my motivations and my desires. I mean to do my best. I still desire to be better and go to the temple. I just haven't acted upon either very well. What the heck? In short, I think Satan is working hard on me because I am heading in the right direction, I've felt closer to my Father in Heaven than I have in years, and I want to be my best self. My #1 problem is ACTING upon it. ACTING upon anything. So, I'm not going to 'should' on myself. I just wanted to write where I'm at. I'm going to turn off the computer for 24+ hours and get busy so we can heave a fun evening and a peaceful Sabbath day together.
I love going to church. In the last couple of months I have been SO HAPPY to be there. Getting there isn't always easy, but we're getting better at laying out clothes and such so that the morning is smooth and peaceful, not hurried and irritating. That's not conducive to the Spirit. When Addy, my 10 month old, was born, it was HARD going to church with 4 children under 7. My motivation was entirely lacking. I was frustrated that I still had a calling when I politely asked before I gave birth of the likelihood of being released and was told I would be. Then I watched as another prego was released and she was only having #3, with a hubby to help her at church. Eventually, I saw that I was needed and I was released when it was the right time. So, I've been growing and I looked forward to Spiritual nourishment more than I have in my life. I love the scriptures. I'm not perfect, but my desire to read from their pages is steadily growing.
I'm NOT good at making promises so I often skip that part because it's usually a joke. I own it! BUT I wanted to give myself a birthday present in December or January --> to read the Book of Mormon by my birthday, April 6th. I've gotten behind, but if I read about 10 pages a day until my birthday, I'll actually make it. It's been really fun. Some of it is hard. After I finish I plan on studying more. I want to get a single Book of Mormon and decide on a subject to study like faith, love of God, the Spirit, etc. I know some people will pick a word like "love" and highlight it throughout the whole book as they read it.
Actually, I just remembered that I started reading the first few chapters in the New Testament. I want to become more familiar with the Savior's life and I think that's what I'll be reading with the kids since Easter is around the corner and I want to have a "Christ Centered Easter." That's actually a booklet I found from my friend Robyn's blog http://allgoodtreasuresinheaven.blogspot.com/. It's a way to teach your kiddos about what Easter is really about, the most important holiday we celebrate! BUY it! You get to learn and celebrate all week long. So that means Mom needs to study NOW so I can prepare and be able to teach. It was SO FUN just reading the first handful of verses in St. Matthew Chapter 1 because the girls learned a few more details from the Christmas story that they hadn't been aware of and they have the BEST questions. I love those feel-good Mom moments where I'm doing the right thing.
In other news, my Dad used to ask me, "What is the hardest discipline?" I replied "Self-discipline." And it is true to this day. With Brionna and now Adelynn, I've experience the joy of a yeast infection in my breast(s). Luckily it's only one side this time, but it started when she was just a few months old. I weaned Bri because the itchy pain was so rampant that I couldn't stand it!!! I was too stubborn to get a prescription and I would do that if it got that bad. What it boils down to is needing to do a yeast free diet. I've tried for a couple days and I feel SO DEPRIVED it's unreal and I hate it. My feels may not be mature, but they're REAL. I say this because I just popped some Motrin because of the pain. I wish I could develop a cheerful attitude about nourishing my body and avoided those things that cause me pain. Really.
I had a light bulb moment this week. Sister Nelson was talking about being a Holy woman. What would a Holy woman do or how would she act while talking with a friend, doing laundry, greeting her husband when he gets home, spending time with her children, etc. And either she or Sister Dew mentioned something that spoke to me. She listed a few things, including, what we put in our mouth! The though I had this week is that can I have the Spirit to be with me if I knowingly eat something that I know will cause my body hard. There is nothing wrong in my eyes in eating sweets or food that's not top notch nutrition, occasionally. In my situation though, I know that if it's got yeast (bread) or sugar (even fruit!) it's probably continuing my problem. If I can muster this discipline, it will not be alone, THAT is for sure. I just feel completely overwhelmed with the idea of eating meat and veggies and perhaps some other yeast free options. I'm overwhelmed with how to feed my family regular meals, let alone this.
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